office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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