Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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