Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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