I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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