Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize