rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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