I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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