I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize