I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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