The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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