I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize