Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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