It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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