I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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