My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize