just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize