with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize