Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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