I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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