he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
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I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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