Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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