Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
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I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
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FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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