im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize