Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize