i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
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He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
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I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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