Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize