I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize