You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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