last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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