My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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