Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
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She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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