im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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