he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
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We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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