It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
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