remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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