Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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