From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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