opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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