you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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