I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
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dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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