Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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