Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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