One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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