i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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