Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
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Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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