I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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