good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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