I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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