I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
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"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
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We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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