I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize